I am not a technical person. My concept of DIY is to make a phone call to somebody who can do it for me. I got ten thumbs when it comes to the simplest possible craft and I habitually use my trusted manicure file to screw lose screws back in place. Science and Maths at school were my personal nightmare. My teachers were painfully aware of it: I spared no effort to make their lives as difficult as they made mine during classes. Add to this that I have zero natural curiosity about how things work. I just want them to work. My paradise is to press a button and presto! All done. Get the picture? Armed with all these qualities, my monumental impatience and a cheerful smile I entered the world of fish keeping with flying colours. My first tank was branded stuff, carefully chosen to match the furniture (I am very particular about colour co-ordination). The fish blended in nicely, too. While putting together my goldfish community I took extra steps to ensure I had the right combination of black moors, fan tail orandas, yellow goldfish and white pandas. At the time my biggest problem was that blue goldfish were simply unobtainable. A touch of blue in the tank was a must. All went swimmingly well for a couple of weeks, during which I kept adding the required touches (i.e. fish) here and there. The tank was looking pretty and colourful, the fish were active and eating greedily. Some of them were starting to play by attempting quick dash ...

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